Being a Fat Girl.
I've been a Fat Girl for approximately 85% of my life and on a diet probably 65% of my life. My weight has always been an issue. Being an issue for me is one thing, but it's kind of funny when it becomes an issue for someone else. Four and a half years ago when I met my husband, I was really quite fit. I was running about 3 miles every day and felt super good about myself. Since that glorious time of my life, I have gained 100lbs. Slowly but surely, I packed on the pounds. I have fluctuated 15-30lbs over the past two years. Obviously when someone says that they have gained 5 pounds and are mortified about it, I don't relate very well. I swear that I can fluctuate that amount in 1 day! The thing that I probably have one of the hardest times with is fat prejudice. People look at you different when you are fat. They have a hard time looking you in the eyes. And even though they don't say anything, you can absolutely "feel" what they are thinking. It's dissappointment. As if they are thinking "My God! How can a person let themselves go like that!?" Well, believe you me....I NEVER thought that I would be this heavy. Ever! But, it happened. And it's sad that I don't just have to deal with the dissappointment that I have in myself, but that I have to deal with other people's dissappointment in me. It makes me a little sad. But here's the real catcher. In many ways I am happier now 100lbs heavier than I was in highschool or in my early twenties. All of those years that I would fret about how "fat" I was. Now I would be SOO happy to be back at that weight. But overall, I'm okay. I don't dislike myself. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. I pretty much like the person that I am.
11 comments:
you are soo beautiful inside and out!!! I LOVE YOU! very well written and needed to be said for some people to ponder!
Cerella...you ARE beautiful. You have the most awesome features. You completely light up a room when you enter it. I feel lucky to have gotten to know you and blessed to call you a friend. It is not only weight that makes a person...it takes much more to make up the whole package and you are the real deal. Ponder that for a while little miss...
You summed it up. Love yourself. Your husband loves you.Your family loves you. Your friends love you. And when it happens, your children will love you.
None of that means that you don't strive to be as healthy as you can be, but healthy also doesn't mean that you are 100 pounds of bones.
I applaud you for being healthy in recognizing that you are more than the image.
I only know you from your posts, but I can see that you are a vibrant woman with a fantastic sense of humor and an incredible love of life...more than I can say for plenty of women I know.
Cerella, you are a beautiful young woman, and don't ever let ANYONE put you down. Yep there are food police out there, but as your Grampa tells me, people like me, and that is the same with you, they don't see the wt. but they see who and what you are. You are a great loving woman. Yes health is good, but not all the correct wt. people are healthy, some are so concerned about their wt that they aren't happy. But you are and John loves you just as you are...and so do we. WTG gal, be true to yourself. You are intellegent, witty and fun to be with.
We love you
Grama L
I think we've all been guilty of judging someone by their appearance at some point in our lives. It just happens. It sucks, but it's a fact of life. That being said, I've always thought you were beautiful. I'd say more but I don't want John to kick my ass :D
I know how you feel! I myself have been fat my whole life. The funny thing is I always that I was fat until I looked at some pictures of my childhood and I didn't look so bad. I love the way I am! People are so weird arn't they.I check your blog every few days to see whats going on with you. Your blog makes me laugh and think! You got me looking at you tube.I'm 42 and I live in Seattle. Take care! Diane
Cerella, Us slightly round girls need to stick together! Me I gained all my weight after Nicholas ( little shit). As I like to say I went to bed 135pounds and the fat moster jumped on me and wont get off! Like you I'm very happy with my life , thought I would love to be thinner, but until I'm truley willing to make the commitment of losing and working at it the right way, It is my body and my life and if others don't like it that is their promblem!!!! Love ya QB
Reading your post was like reading about myself. I'm now 31 and weigh the most I ever have weighed, 190lbs. I have gained the last 50lbs over the last 4 years and I'm scared it's not going to stop. I too am completely happy with myself, unlike how I felt in high school and college when I thought I was fat, but i really wasn't, yet. Now I am but feel happy... until I go shopping or try to go out with the girls to a club or catch someone at work looking at me like you described or when I catch myself talking about a sport I used to play and look at the other people's confusion on their face. I figure they are thinking how could this girl play that sport? Then I'm not happy. It lasts a little while, then I knit something fun and feel like I accomplished something and I forget about all that again... until I need to dress up for a party.
Thanks for writing such a candid and honest post. It's good to think and talk about these things. We are all beautiful if we are happy with ourselves but at a certain point it becomes unhealthy and I think that's where I'm at, so really I'm not happy with myself and my beauty will dwindle. But it's so hard to change this inertia.
You all rock! I love ya!
that was so honest. thank you for sharing...
Hey Cerella,
Wow - that was such a great post. I love when you post pictures of yourself as a child. It makes me feel like I've known you forever.
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